Professor blames hot sauce for indecent activities.

17 01 2011

Alan in the Hangover states that counting cards isn’t illegal, merely frowned upon like masturbating on an airplane…

Well unfortunately for Floridian professor Rafael Escamilla this isn’t advice that should be taken seriously by anyone. The educator  has found himself in trouble with the law after exposing and pleasuring himself on a Skywest flight from Salt Lake City to Lewiston

Escamilla had lowered his lunch tray but was spotted massaging his member by his fellow  passenger a 17-year-old cheer leader who happened to be sharing the seat next to him. The traumatised young lady took herself off to the toilets and on leaving them found an empty seat elsewhere on the plane informing the woman next to her that Escamilla had “creeped her out”.

Upon landing she made the incident known to her father who contacted the relevant authorities who intercepted professor Escamilla and arrested him.

When interviewed by the cops Escamilla claimed that he had spilt Tabasco brand hot sauce on his penis earlier on that day and had been trying to “rub”and  “massage” away the burning sensation he also claimed that it “wasn’t hanging out” and that he had tried to disguise it with his tray.

Now whether there is any truth in the story or not I have a couple of issues; firstly how did he manage to get tabasco sauce down there? Was he eating nude?

Secondly; the prof claimed that he spilt the sauce on himself at breakfast that day, if that is the case how the hell was tabasco, pretty much the mildest sauce out there, still burning him up that much later on in the day.

Thirdly and most importantly how would anyone let alone an educator think that it would be appropriate to deal with this itching feeling whilst seated on an airplane, especially when the passenger alongside you is a teenage girl? Did it never occur to him to walk 50 feet or so to the toilet cubicle and deal with the issue there…. well the police asked this question as well and Escamilla informed them that he “didn’t feel that it would help.”

The officer who conducted the interview did note down that at no point during the conversation did Escamilla react in a way that would suggest he had an incredible itch on a particularly sensitive area of his person.

Now I don’t claim to an expert in the field of  genital injuries however I have eaten Bhut Jolokias and then gone to the bathroom having forgotten to wash my hands first… let me go on record as saying that hurt, in fact it hurt quite a lot. Even so that level of pain from a chilli over 200x hotter than tabasco sauce would not have made me masturbate on a plane in front of a child.

Whether or not he is a criminal remains to be seen but he is certainly an idiot.

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Going Solo

10 05 2010

I ditched my guild.

Yesterday I finally decided that enough was enough and that I was going solo.

I have been considering this course of action for a while, it’s not that I am a solitary gamer or that I don’t like the social aspect of being in a guild (just ask my kinmates in LOTRO) but I do have certain standards of what I deem to be acceptable behaviour.

I’m not saying that I’m a saint or that I expect anyone else to be one but there are limits to what I think is tolerable or acceptable.

I first realised I might have issues with my new guild when I first partied up with some of them; usually when you run with a party made up of guild members things are pretty polished because they know how to work together, not so in this case, they bickered all the time.

I don’t just mean a little bit of light hearted banter as you would get between friends I mean a childish full on argument, this person was a noob, your gears shit blah blah blah blah it was never ending.

I could have over looked this if they were actually any good at playing the game, alas this was also beyond their meagre capabilities.

There were two paladins in the group me and one other who on the face of things was a healadin, it would be fair to assume that there would be two different auras up and that all party members would get two buffs, one from each. I had buffed myself with BoM (blessing of might)  and asked the healerdin for BoK (blessing of kings).

The answer I got back in chat was a question mark, so I thought ok maybe he doesnt use silly little terms like bok and bom and so I asked for blessing of kings in full instead, again all I got back was ?

Turns out not only did he not know what I was on about but he didnt have a blessing, a seal or an aura up at all?!?!?! These are the tools of a paladins trade, how on Azeroth can you reach level 23 without knowing what these are and using them accordingly?

The same level of immaturity and general noobness when it comes to WOW was also displayed regularly in guild chat so for most of the time I just ignored the worst culprits and didn’t really pay attention to what was being said at all.

Now to my mind thats not fun, I don’t join a guild in order to have to ignore everyone in the chat list other than my alts, I want to group up, help one another, boost people through tough areas of the game etc etc, not trudge around by myself looking for pugs because my guildees are noob douche bags.

So I tried again, I threw myself into guild life with a renewed vigour, I managed to trick myself into thinking that maybe I am just a stick in the mud and should lighten up and that maybe if I just cut loose it would all turn out to be fun in the end.

Fuck me was I wrong.

Yesterday evening I was farming pages in Stranglethorn waiting to get a slot for Zul Farrak and due to the mind numbing drudgery of any farming or grinding I had half an eye on guild chat.

I suddenly noticed that the chat had steered away from who wanted what end game gear when they hit 80 to a far more lewd chat about their various sexual conquests, or judging by how they act lack of.

After reading the usual drivel from a 22 stone myopic gamer who lives in his parents basement about how he lost his virginity to twins when he was 12 and they “totally lezzed off together as well” I was already slightly nauseous and had endured just about as much stupid bravado and bull shit as I can take…things got worse and I’m not talking about just a little bit blue or stupid or whatever.

They started asking people who weren’t actively lying about their made up sexual experiences why they weren’t joining in and generally barracking them about being virgins or gay and all sorts of other childish crap.

Well one guildee that they asked replied by saying that yes she was a virgin and certainly wasn’t ashamed of it as she is a 17 year old girl. The response to this was that they didn’t believe she was a girl (common complaint in wow). She assured them that she was to which she was asked to prove it, they weren’t happy with the idea that she speak to them on vent and that they could all hear that she was girl no this wasn’t proof enough.

They asked her to add them on msn and to strip on cam to prove she was a girl, when she said no they called her a lesbian and started barracking her further.

What sort of dumbass sick fucks think this sort of thing is acceptable or funny. I know for a fact that a lot of people in the guild are a lot younger than me but even so this is just out and out offensive. Needless to say I filed a complaint and left straight away.








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