Spontaneous Combustion Hot Sauce

13 12 2010

I decided to buy an early Christmas present for my uncle who loves chillies and all things chilli related; needless to say he was pleased as punch upon opening the completely over the top packaging and finding a bottle of Spontaneous Combustion Hot Sauce.

So pleased was he with this unexpected gift that he decided to call me up and taste it over the phone, we are a strange strange family. Well I listened to him describe the box and the label to me – they both feature the same set of lips and teeth with a raging inferno on the tongue.

Next up I got to hear him open the seal on the bottle and tell me he was going to have a sniff of it, I heard him take a big big sniff and then proclaim that it smelt vaguely like something Satan had excreted…

Having come this far he couldn’t back out now and decided to try a drop direct onto his tongue, the first thing he said was mmm I can taste fruity peppers and garlic, the next thing he said was OUCH and heard the phone drop whilst he retreated for a stiff drink of milk.

Once he had recovered sufficiently to speak I was informed that too much more of this and he would need to start refrigerating toilet paper.

Boy oh boy did I laugh…

Well that was 3 weeks ago and since that point I have made the arduous journey across the Irish Sea and been to visit said uncle for some much needed R&R. After hearing his amateur dramatics over the phone I had to see for my self just what this bad boy was like….

On looking down the short list of ingredients I see that we are dealing with a predominately Habanero based sauce with some always welcome capsicum extract making an appearance as well, this certainly adds some weight to the advertised Scoville rating of about 400/500,000 – not too shabby.

After having the aroma of this sauce described to me in such a colourful fashion I decided to follow in my uncle’s footsteps and took a honking great snoutfull, you can smell the Habanero, the garlic and a bit of vinegar quite clearly, there is a certain element of heat that you can pick up but nothing to warrant previous histrionics.

Well the time has come to move onto having a taste, now bearing in mind that I heard a grown man reduced to tears I was expecting to have the skin peeled off my face with atomic fury.

I started off by trying a small amount on a teaspoon, much like my uncle I could taste nice fruity habs and some garlic without too much initial heat, after a few seconds I could start to feel some heating coming in and their was a nice kick to it but not really enough to get the blood pumping.

So  I decided to up the ante a little, I made myself one of my favourite treats cheese on toast with chilli sauce, each slice was given a good 7/8 drops of fiery red sauce and I chowed down; the flavour was beautiful, so much so that I will be buying several bottles of this for myself at home. The heat however was still lacklustre, it was there and you could feel it but I just want more bang for my buck.

In terms of an everyday table sauce I think I would be hard pressed to find anything with a better taste; in my opinion this kicks Tabasco straight out of the cupboard and jumps up and down on it in hobnailed boots, it doesn’t just take its place it builds a little fort and sits there looking smug.

Oh and my uncle is a cry baby…

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Megan Phelps-Roper Whorish Face

21 10 2010

I have only just come across this so excuse me for being a little late but I still feel that I have to share this, if only to prove even further that the Westboro Baptist Church are as nutty as a bar of squirrel shit.

It has been very well documented that the so called “Reverend” Fred Phelps, leader of the Westboro Baptist Church has a beef with a lot of people: gays, soldiers, Americans, Lady Diana and of course and perhaps the one that I find  most puzzling Lady GaGa.

Well it turns out that Megan Phelps-Roper, has gone one further using  Gaga’s own song “Poker Face” to illustrate her families’s case.

I haven’t been able to find any sort of statement from Megan Phelps-Roper to accompany this re-release of Lady GaGa’s catchy hit but if you can bring yourself to listen to this then it is quite self explanatory; the general gist of it being that everything that Lady GaGa does and indeed her mere existence, offends God.

The same message was also contained in a press statement issued by the Reverend some time ago when he called for a boycott of a Lady GaGa gig at the Fox Theater.

The general thrust of the Reverend’s argument was that Lady GaGa is basically a whore who uses her music and fame to corrupt the nations youngsters, as usual there were a slew of Bible quotes which he twisted to suit his hateful purposes.

“‘Art’ and ‘fashion’ are the euphemisms, the guise under which proud [expletive] Lady Gaga teaches rebellion against God (incidentally, her claim to the title of ‘lady’ is sound only if she tacks on ‘of the night,’ thereby alluding to another euphemism of what she is.) As much as she’d like to pretend otherwise, there’s nothing new or different about this particular [expletive]’s pretentious prancing. Does the simple [expletive] truly think that she can change God’s standards by seducing a generation of rebels into joining her in fist-raised, stiff-necked, hard-hearted rebellion against Him? Get real!” the Phelps wrote.

To add to this Phelps also claimed that far from liberating her young fans GaGa was actually leading them into slavery to Satan, maybe that is what she was getting at in “Just Dance”??

Seriously here Fred, you accuse GaGa of being nothing new, maybe you should have a quick look back at the ranting and raving that used to be directed at the Rolling Stones et al back in the day. Railing on musicians for leading youth astray / encouraging devil worship predates even your outdated torrent of vitriol…

Anyway here for your listening and viewing pleasure is Megan Phelps-Roper’s rendition of Poker Face complete with accompanying video.

I








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