Professor blames hot sauce for indecent activities.

17 01 2011

Alan in the Hangover states that counting cards isn’t illegal, merely frowned upon like masturbating on an airplane…

Well unfortunately for Floridian professor Rafael Escamilla this isn’t advice that should be taken seriously by anyone. The educator  has found himself in trouble with the law after exposing and pleasuring himself on a Skywest flight from Salt Lake City to Lewiston

Escamilla had lowered his lunch tray but was spotted massaging his member by his fellow  passenger a 17-year-old cheer leader who happened to be sharing the seat next to him. The traumatised young lady took herself off to the toilets and on leaving them found an empty seat elsewhere on the plane informing the woman next to her that Escamilla had “creeped her out”.

Upon landing she made the incident known to her father who contacted the relevant authorities who intercepted professor Escamilla and arrested him.

When interviewed by the cops Escamilla claimed that he had spilt Tabasco brand hot sauce on his penis earlier on that day and had been trying to “rub”and  “massage” away the burning sensation he also claimed that it “wasn’t hanging out” and that he had tried to disguise it with his tray.

Now whether there is any truth in the story or not I have a couple of issues; firstly how did he manage to get tabasco sauce down there? Was he eating nude?

Secondly; the prof claimed that he spilt the sauce on himself at breakfast that day, if that is the case how the hell was tabasco, pretty much the mildest sauce out there, still burning him up that much later on in the day.

Thirdly and most importantly how would anyone let alone an educator think that it would be appropriate to deal with this itching feeling whilst seated on an airplane, especially when the passenger alongside you is a teenage girl? Did it never occur to him to walk 50 feet or so to the toilet cubicle and deal with the issue there…. well the police asked this question as well and Escamilla informed them that he “didn’t feel that it would help.”

The officer who conducted the interview did note down that at no point during the conversation did Escamilla react in a way that would suggest he had an incredible itch on a particularly sensitive area of his person.

Now I don’t claim to an expert in the field of  genital injuries however I have eaten Bhut Jolokias and then gone to the bathroom having forgotten to wash my hands first… let me go on record as saying that hurt, in fact it hurt quite a lot. Even so that level of pain from a chilli over 200x hotter than tabasco sauce would not have made me masturbate on a plane in front of a child.

Whether or not he is a criminal remains to be seen but he is certainly an idiot.

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Pope could cancel his visit to the UK

27 04 2010

The Pope could cancel his planned visit to Britain because of a “hugely offensive” Foreign Office memo mocking his stance on abortion and birth control.

This comes from senior papal aids within the vatican in the wake of a leaked memo which suggested that during his visit the pope should launch his own brand of condoms, bless a gay marriage and open an abortion clinic.

The memo, sent out in March following a “brainstorm” session by Foreign Office staff who are helping prepare for Pope Benedict XVI’s visit in September, warned recipients that the contents “should not be shared externally” because the offending document, titled “The Ideal Visit”, contained “even the most far-fetched of ideas”.

“As well as suggesting the launch of “Benedict” condoms, the memo also proposed that the Pope should “announce sacking of dodgy bishops”, sponsor a network of AIDS clinics, conduct a training course for bishops on child abuse allegations and ordain a female priest.

Embarrassingly for the Queen it also suggested getting the Pope and Her Majesty to sing a duet for charity and changing the national anthem from God Save The Queen to God Save the World.”

“One highly placed source in the Vatican said: “This could have very severe repercussions and is embarrassing for the British government – one has to question whether the action taken is enough.

“It is disgusting. Britain’s ambassador to the Holy See has been in to see the Secretary of State and explain what happened and this will all be relayed to the Pope.

“It’s even possible the trip could be cancelled as this matter is hugely offensive.”

The full article can be seen here in the Telegraph.

Whilst I don’t really think that sitting around insulting the pope and the catholic church is a good use of tax payers money I do think that this memo serves a purpose that maybe it wasn’t intended to.

It serves to reinforce the fact that to a lot of people out there the catholic church is a joke and the current pope an even bigger joke.

Yes I can understand that the vatican is miffed about this I would be too if I were them; however they should put aside some of their indignation for a second and actually look at what is being said and why.

Most people these days are a little shocked and bemused that the Vatican so stubbornly sticks to their outdated ideas and prejudices and make absolutely zero effort to move with the times.

Maybe the pope, the vatican and the catholic church as a whole should take a long hard look at that memo and rather than being outrage should instead run their own brainstorming session as to how they can change so that they are no longer the butt of the jokes.

On a different note I can’t wait to see what these “severe  repercussions” ar for Britain trade sanctions maybe?

Perhaps if things aren’t resolved to their liking we will soon finding a national shortage of plaster statues, bleeding heart paintings, communion wafers and clerical abuse on children.





Pope could be charged for covering up sex crimes

14 04 2010

The pope could be charged for covering up the crimes of paedophile priests.

There is an awful lot of buzz at the moment about the possibility that when he visits Britain from the 16th- 19th September the Pope could be arrested and charged “crimes against humanity” for his role in helping to cover up the horrific sex crimes carried out by members of the clergy.

“Barrister Geoffrey Robertson and solicitor Mark Stephens are considering whether they could either ask the Crown Prosecution Service to initiate criminal proceedings against the Pope; launch their own civil action or refer his case to the International Criminal Court.

Author Christopher Hitchens said he does not believe the Vatican to be a legal state which raises questions as to whether the Pope, as head of state, could claim diplomatic immunity.

He said: “The UN at its inception refused membership to the Vatican but has allowed it a unique “observer status”, permitting it to become signatory to treaties such as the Law of the Sea and (ironically) the Convention on the Rights of the Child, and to speak and vote at UN conferences where it promotes its controversial dogmas on abortion, contraception and homosexuality.”

The group have cited as precedent the recent case of Israel’s former foreign minister Tzipi Livni, who cancelled a visit to London after a British judge issued an arrest warrant over her alleged involvement with the conflict in Gaza.”

The campaign is also being backed by leading atheist Dr Richard Dawkins;   Dawkins wrote on his blog: “I am optimistic that we shall raise public consciousness to the point where the British government will find it very awkward indeed to go ahead with the Pope’s visit.”

You can read the article from the BBC in full here.

Well I for one say go for it.

I don’t think that it will necessarily amount to anything but I do very strongly feel that it is the right course of action to take.

Some people are going to say that the likes of Hitchens and Dawkins have their own agendas that they are furthering as a result of this, well so what! Of course they have their own agendas, more or less everyone out there has there own agenda,  it doesn’t lessen in anyway the fact that this is the right thing to do.

Whether or not it works, whether or not it is judged to be legally viable, that really doesn’t matter. What matters is that the Catholic Church in general and the Pope in particular need to be made to see that this isn’t something that can be swept under the carpet or smoothed over with a  parochial letter.

At the moment the Vatican are getting very defensive about the whole affair and are going on the counter offensive by trying to make out that they are  the victims in all of this.

That sits badly with me, without actually saying the words they are victim blaming and negating the horrific abuse suffered by thousands over the years.

So yeah put the Pope on trial, it might make him sit up and realise that there are very real consequences here and now, not just the justice of some supreme being who may or may not exist. Somehow that doesn’t really sound very fair when compared to the corporeal lives that have been ruined.





Spring continues unabated despite paedophile priests and MMO troubles

6 04 2010

Last week we had some new baby chicks born just in time for easter; in the end it was only 3 that managed to hatch, mostly as the hen that was brooding on them lost interest in the eggs once she had three little walking bundles of fluff to look after.

However my partner candled all of the eggs and found that at least one of them was still viable, so they got rushed into the house and placed into the incubator as quickly as possible. This morning there was a cheeping from the incubator and there was the arrival of rather a strange looking chick.

Rhubarb the Duckling

Except of course she has decided that my partner is her mother and refuses to be away from her and screams if she puts her down….ahh the joys of spring








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