John Terry Infographic

sometimes a picture is worth 10,000 words

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John Terry to celebrate not guilty verdict during evening out with Anton Ferdinand’s girlfriend

John Terry is planning to celebrate the not guilty verdict in his racial abuse trial and the reinstatement of his ‘good name’ by having sex with Anton Ferdinand’s girlfriend.

Terry left court victorious today and his spokesperson said he was looking forward to getting back to normal by having sex with someone he definitely shouldn’t be having sex with. “Mr Terry is delighted by today’s verdict, and his first call was to Mr Ferdinand’s girlfriend in the hope she would join him to ‘celebrate’.”
“Mr Ferdinand is currently in Hong Kong with his team, and so Mr Terry is keen to ensure all three of them put this behind them as soon as possible. Over cocktails.”

Terry Innocent

Chief Magistrate Howard Riddle said he had heard a great deal of evidence to show Mr Terry was a bit of a prick, but that right now this was insufficient to put him in prison.

In his judgement, he wrote, “Sure, putting John Terry in prison would make a lot of people very happy, but if being an risible human being was enough to get you prison time this country would be nothing more than a room with about four nurses.”

“So unfortunately he can go about his business being desperately unpleasant to pretty much everyone as long as he likes.”

Shamelessly stolen from newsthump.com

John Terry on Jeremy Kyle Show

I laughed so much I just had to share with all you good, good people.

Arsenal announce Nigerian friendly opponents

In a completely unexpected move Arsenal have finally announced their mystery opponents for their pre-season stop over in Nigeria.

It has long been rumoured that the Gunners would line up against an international team when they take to the pitch at Nigeria’s Abuja National Stadium on 5^th August but until today exactly who that would be has been shrouded in secrecy.

Well brace yourselves, it has now been revealed that Arsenal will be playing Nigeria.

Now I never saw that one coming, did you?

The visit will represent the first time the Gunners have travelled to Africa since Arsene Wenger took charge in 1996 and forms the concluding leg of the 2012 Asia tour. The club’s previous match on the continent, a 2-0 win over Manchester United, took place in South Africa in July, 1993.

The “Super Eagles”, currently ranked 60^th in the world, should make for an exciting challenge for Arsenal with Stephen Keshi’s side brimming with talent plying their trade across Europe.

Speaking about the fixture, David Omigie of organisers DanJan Sports revealed:

“The NFF have agreed that the country will present a strong side as coach Stephen Keshi continues his development process.

“The Arsenal manager [Arsene Wenger] will also use this game to showcase his full squad for the 2012/2013 football season.”

Arsenal’s visit represents a great opportunity for the club’s burgeoning support in west Africa to watch their heroes in the flesh for the first time and lays the groundwork for expanding the club’s brand across the globe.

In other Earth shattering news: water is found to be wet and John Terry shocks World media by announcing that he is a wife shagging racist!