Long time readers will know that food is one of my favourite subjects to write about, in particular I have a sick fascination with crappy fast food.
If it has more fat than a pig, enough calories to stop 1,000 hearts and will clog not just your arteries but your toilet as well then I want to know about it. Not eat it, just marvel in it’s awfulness.
Recently I have stumbled across enough crimes against gastronomy that I decided it was time for another round up:
Chili’s Awesome Blossom
How the hell do you manage to turn a harmless little onion into such a festering piece of crap?
Well somehow the good folks at Chili’s managed it. Kudos guys, kudos.
I have actually eaten an Awesome Blossom and let me tell you the only thing awesome about it was the mess that a visit to Chili’s made in the bathroom when we got home.
We shared this monstrosity between 5 of us and not a single person enjoyed it.
Crunchy deep fried crap over some slimey, gooey onion all dipped in a tub of bright pink, tepid goo…what’s not to love?
KFC Mashed Potato Bowl
Correct me if I’m wrong but this looks suspisciously like someone vomited in a bowler hat and then took a dump atop the whole vile mess.
According to KFC this is not an item of milinery filled with vomit and turds but is actually a tub filled with mashed potatoes, layered with sweet corn, and “loaded” with pieces of fried chicken. To really tip this over the edge they then top it off with gravy and cheese.
Mmmmm, doesn’t tht sound good. You are right it doesn’t.
I will admit to being surprised at KFC, I didn’t think they could dream up anything worse than the Double Down. But somehow they pulled it off, this looks like you could place it directly in the toilet and just cut out the tedious business of eating this crap.
Chocolate Thunder from Down Under
That’s right someone actually called a food substance “Chocolate Thunder from Down Under”, if that doesn’t set warning bells rining in your ears I don’t know what would!
The name brings to mind an immediate, urgent need to evacuate ones bowels. Possibly in a rather messy fashion.
Luckily for punters at Outback their version is just a desert
“An extra generous pecan brownie is topped with rich vanilla ice cream, drizzled with our warm chocolate sauce and finished with chocolate shavings and whipped cream.”
Now I know what you are thinking, that doesn’t sound too bad, what is he on about?
Well for starters there is that name, I just don’t trust it. Secondly this thing is pretty much death on a plate: