Whale steak…It’s what’s for dinner

14 06 2013
mmmm blubber

mmmm blubber

 

This WWI era advert for affordable, delicious Whale steaks in a can sure got my tastebuds tingling.

Or was that the feeling of 1000s of specialised nerve endings trying to expel themselves from my mouth?





Glozell Hot Pepper Challenge

4 04 2013

Long term readers (if any of you are left!) will be aware that I LOVE anything hot and spicy, in particular chillies and chilli sauces.

Well I also love watching people make fools of themselves.

This video combines both of these oh so important elements….

Apparently the lady in the video “Glozell” is some sort of Youtube celebrity/complete fool. Either way I laughed!





Fast food nightmares

20 07 2012

Long time readers will know that food is one of my favourite subjects to write about, in particular I have a sick fascination with crappy fast food.

If it has more fat than a pig, enough calories to stop 1,000 hearts and will clog not just your arteries but your toilet as well then I want to know about it. Not eat it, just marvel in it’s awfulness.

Recently I have stumbled across enough crimes against gastronomy that I decided it was time for another round up:

Chili’s Awesome Blossom

How the hell do you manage to turn a harmless little onion into such a festering piece of crap?

Well somehow the good folks at Chili’s managed it. Kudos guys, kudos.

I have actually eaten an Awesome Blossom and let me tell you the only thing awesome about it was the mess that a visit to Chili’s made in the bathroom when we got home.

We shared this monstrosity between 5 of us and not a single person enjoyed it.
Crunchy deep fried crap over some slimey, gooey onion all dipped in a tub of bright pink, tepid goo…what’s not to love?

KFC Mashed Potato Bowl

Correct me if I’m wrong but this looks suspisciously like someone vomited in a bowler hat and then took a dump atop the whole vile mess.

According to KFC this is not an item of milinery filled with vomit and turds but is actually a tub filled with mashed potatoes, layered with sweet corn, and “loaded” with pieces of fried chicken. To really tip this over the edge they then top it off with gravy and cheese.

Mmmmm, doesn’t tht sound good. You are right it doesn’t.

I will admit to being surprised at KFC, I didn’t think they could dream up anything worse than the Double Down. But somehow they pulled it off, this looks like you could place it directly in the toilet and just cut out the tedious business of eating this crap.

Chocolate Thunder from Down Under

That’s right someone actually called a food substance “Chocolate Thunder from Down Under”, if that doesn’t set warning bells rining in your ears I don’t know what would!

The name brings to mind an immediate, urgent need to evacuate ones bowels. Possibly in a rather messy fashion.

Luckily for punters at Outback their version is just a desert

“An extra generous pecan brownie is topped with rich vanilla ice cream, drizzled with our warm chocolate sauce and finished with chocolate shavings and whipped cream.”

Now I know what you are thinking, that doesn’t sound too bad, what is he on about?

Well for starters there is that name, I just don’t trust it. Secondly this thing is pretty much death on a plate:

Nutrition Facts

Amount per Serving
Calories 1,220
Calories from Fat 702.0
 
That is half  of a full grown man’s calorific intake and over 120% of the recommended daily intake of fat. From desert, that’s food you eat after you have had your food.
 
Thirdly I just don’t dig the Aussie theme. When I think of the great cuisines of the World Australia just never crosses my mind, after all this is the country that gave us the meat pie floater.
 
Aussie Cheese Fries
 
Just to get you headed in the right direction for your Chocolate Thunder from Down Under what better side dish to tuck into than a big, dirty plate of Aussie Cheese fries….
 
 
 Mmmm doesn’t that just look like a treat?
 Well actually it doesn’t, it just looks like a mess. How the hell can a “restaurant” serve this crap?
 
Topping the scales at a whopping 2,900 calories the Aussie fries are liberally smoothered in bacon and a radioactive looking orange gloop laughably referred to as cheese.
 
I wouldn’t serve this shit to a mortal enemy, let alone charge money for it.
 
On the Border Grande Taco Salad with Taco Beef
 
Hmm a salad, sounds good hey? Wrong!
 
This “Taco Beef” salad some served in an edible bowl made of deef tried tortilas…mmmh well that is guaranteed to help you drop that dress size




Chilli and lime coconut ice cream

10 07 2012

I know it may sound a little odd to have chilli as one of the key flavours in an ice cream but trust me it is really subtle and really,really good.

The chilli, lime and coconut blend together wonderfully to give a real tropical / South-East Asian vibe.

Enjoy,

Ingredients.

800ml  coconut cream or coconut milk
250g caster sugar
4 red chillies, deseeded and chopped
8-10 limes
250ml double cream
1 litre ready-made vanilla custard

Method:

Juice your limes and set to one side for later

Pour the coconut milk/ cream into a pan and bring to the boil. As soon as reaches boiling point remove from the heat and add 250grams of caster sugar and the lime juice. Stir until the sugar has dissolved completely

At this point add your chopped chillies and the zest of two limes and leave to infuse in the mixture until it is cool.

Once the mixture has cooled add in the 250ml of double cream and the litre of ready-made vanilla custard.

Pour the mixture into a freezer-proof container and freeze. Stir your ice cream once an hour for the first 3 or 4 hours it is in the freezer to break stop any large ice crystals from forming.





Pete Hoekstra racist advert

10 07 2012

I know I am behind the times but I have only just seen this incredibly racist Super Bowl advert from Pete “Spend it not” Hoekstra having a pop at political rival Debbie  “Spend it now”

Wow, just wow. ” Your economy get very weak…Our’s get very good…We take your jobs”  All of this delivered by a pretty Asian American woman cycling through what appears to be a rice paddy.

Maybe Mr. Hoekstra could have delivered an even harder hitting message by having her wear a Coolie hat or a novelty Fu Manchu mustache

Seriously now, surely he has PR people and media relations guys to advise him? Did they all take the day off when this advert was commissioned or were they just rounded up from the local branch of the KKK.

This shit is nearly as bad as this racist gem from KFC





Beef and Green Olive Tagine

5 07 2012

We’ve some people coming over for dinner on Saturday night and whilst it might only be midday on Thursday I can already feel myself being completely lazy.

I know shocking isn’t it!

Seeing as how I am suffering from premature laziness I have decided it is time to break out some good old fashioned one pot cooking. In this case a lovely, healthy beef and green olive tagine – yum.

Just a quick aside before I launch into things. A tagine is actually the name of the special conical pot which is used for cooking, not the name of the sauce, just wanted to clear that up as one of my colleagues has spent the past 15 minutes arguing pointlessly about it.

Ingredients

1 1/2 pounds stewing steak, cut into 1 inch cubes
1 tsp paprika
1 tsp cayenne pepper
1 tsp  cinnamon
1/2 tsp ground ginger
2 cloves garlic, crushed
2 tbsp tomato puree
4 shallots
1 large potato
2 large carrots
1 can chopped tomatoes
2 tbsp chopped fresh flat leaf parsley
Salt
1/2 jar of pitted green olives
Olive oil

Method:

Mix together the paprika, cayenne, cinnamon, ginger, and garlic in two tablespoons of olive oil in a large bowl. Add the beef and toss to coat. Cover and marinate in the refrigerator overnight.

Heat the  about 2 tablespoons of olive oil in the bottom of the tagine and fry the chopped shallots, potatoes, and carrots until they begin to color and soften. Remove and set aside for later.

Add the beef and brown on all sides. Return the vegetables to the tagine along with the chopped tomatoes and any remaining marinade. Cover and cook over a low heat for 3 to 4 hours or until the beef is tender.

Add the parsley, season with salt, and stir in the olives. Continue cooking for 15 minutes.





World’s largest lasagne….in Poland?!?!?!

21 06 2012

A Polish restaurant in Krakow has set a new Guinness World Record for cooking the largest ever lasagne to celebrate the Italy footbal team staying nearby.

As we all know Italy are in Poland for the 2012 European soccer Championship and will take on England in the quarter-finals this Sunday.

The monster lasagne weighed in at more than 5.29 tons and took 10 hours to bake before being sliced into 10,000 portions.

“I don’t know about the players or if they will try the lasagne because they are on a diet, but they can try just a little bit,” Trattoria Giancarlo executive chef Giancarlo Russo told reporters.








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